


Mine is the Sunlight

by guardiansofthefantasy



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, at least a bit, while/after Baz is kidnapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:06:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardiansofthefantasy/pseuds/guardiansofthefantasy
Summary: After being kidnapped, calling for his soulmate seems to be the only option left for Baz. Maybe he's lucky and gets saved by them -  even though he has no idea who they are. And he really just wants his roommate to be his soulmate.-----Soulmate AU where they can talk to each other in their heads





	Mine is the Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Morning Has Broken" by Cat Stevens

**Baz**

  
I just want to be found. It really doesn't matter by whom. Could be anyone, I just don't care anymore.

I lost every sense of time. How long have I been in here?

  
Too long.

  


  
All I can think of to keep me sane is Snow.

I'm not yet sure if that's a good thing.

  


He thinks I hate him. I'm pretty sure _everyone_ thinks I hate him.

I don't.

  


  


He's always shining with so much positivity and happiness, it makes me sick. And it makes me crave for more.  


I didn't know how much I need his company until now, when I can't have it.

  


  
The holidays itself were long enough without him, but being kidnapped? Only makes it longer and worse.

There's no way I'm ever gonna admit it, but Crowley, do I miss Snow.  


  
I miss his blue eyes. Even though they stare at me disliking and suspicious most of the time.  


I miss his bronze curls, messily bouncing on his head when he walks. I want nothing more than to stroke some curls out of his face when he's sleeping or burying my hands in them while I kiss him.  


I miss his laugh. It's so very full of happiness and magic. It makes my heart pound faster and my knees go weak. Almost more than his smile already does.  


I really wanna see him in my shirts, how they're a bit too big for him and making him look even smaller.  


I wanna trace his freckles and moles, endless constellations. I know them all by heart, but it's not half as good as seeing them with my own eyes.  


Then, I also get unbelievably poetic when I think about him.  


  


Snow is doing me no good, but I've known that for years now.  


  


  


I think I kind of always did. I didn't realise at first though, because he is the Mage’s heir and I'm a Pitch and I was supposed to hate him -- or dislike him at least.  


I couldn't.  


  


He has always fascinated me. He's the most powerful Mage I know and that's mostly what I hold onto.  


Even if I died now, I know he's still out there and my death was planned anyways.  


It'd just save him the actual act of killing me. He wouldn't have to.  


  


Although, if I'm honest, I would prefer being killed by Snow. Because that way, I would be able to look at him while I die. Have him being the last thing I see. Maybe even tell him the truth, since it won't hurt me anymore. I'd be dead anyways.  


  


  


Before I met Snow, I thought I might fall in love with my soulmate.  


They were always there, probably even more lonely and bored than I was back then. We were having a lot of conversations in our heads and I loved it.  


It faded a bit when I went to Watford. I knew for a fact that they started a boarding school too and were probably busy.  


I had bigger problems than the conversations that were starting to get lesser.  


Snow, for example.  


But he grew a much bigger problem the year after.  


  


I started to realise that I kind of liked him. I couldn't put my finger on it back then, I just knew that he made me feel weird, but that it somehow made me happy to see him.  


When he started following me around in our fifth year, I also started watching him sleep. And I realised that there was more to it.  


  


That was the time I figured out that I wanted my soulmate to be a boy. And I wanted my soulmate to be Simon Snow.  


(My dad would hate it. He would hate it if my soulmate was a boy, or Snow or a normal person. He'd probably hate Snow much more than a normal person though, and I really couldn't complain if it was Snow.)  


  


I felt bad for thinking about him that much, because I was sure my soulmate would be jealous or angry or sad because I was so much in love with Snow.  


  


Snow wouldn't help me out now, though. At least not actively.  


  


Sure, the thought of him helped me a lot, it was something I was so sure of, something I could hold onto.  


But it couldn't get me out of here. Or to safety.  


  


That's why I need to talk to my soulmate again. So I start calling for help. In my head only, of course. (I tried to actually call for help already -- or for food at that matter -- but no one heard me. Of fucking course.)  


I told them that I was kidnapped by numpties (I don't know where, otherwise I would have told them long ago already to find me) and that I was hungry and dying and I just hope they find me.  


Or at least start looking for me.  


I don't know if they do.  


**  
**

**  
**

**Simon**

  
I never really gave meeting my soulmate much thought.  


I just expected it to happen suddenly, unconsciously, with neither of us knowing who the other is.  


Or we would plan it later, when we're older, in our heads. Meeting at a special place and time.  


I never thought about going looking for them. I also don't know what to think about it. But I'm afraid. Nervous, at the very least.  


  


That is, because I don't know who they are. _Where_ they are. And looking for them would be complicated. I don't know where to start. It's not like I have much of a hint, except for the _kidnapped by numpties_ part. It doesn't really help me, though.  


  


Then I'm not entirely sure if I even _want_ to meet them. Sure, I want to save them and free them, of course (nobody should be kidnapped by numpties), but that doesn't mean I'm ready to meet them. Yet. (Though I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to.)  


  


  


They used to talk to me a lot. Though it was probably me talking mostly. But they were kind enough to answer.  


The past months I've figured out that they thought a lot about someone with beautiful blue eyes. Someone close for them, I suppose. Not like me. Someone they see regularly.  


It hurt me a bit to know that my soulmate was kind of in love with someone else.  


  


It hurt enough to figure out Agatha wasn't my soulmate too, but we stayed together for some more years, so I guess they're just paying me back with that. I probably thought about her just as much. Maybe that's why my soulmate moved on. And I couldn't really blame them.  


  


But now that we broke up -- it's all because of Baz, I think -- I could really use a soulmate that _likes_ me.  
Agatha and me broke up because I saw them holding hands last year and because I'm very sure she's missing him and waiting for him. She didn't explicitly say it, though, but things also just felt _wrong._ We're not soulmates, we weren't supposed to end up together in the long run, anyways. It hurts nevertheless.  


  


  


And Baz hasn't even been showing up, the tosser. I'm sure it's just another way of tormenting me.  


It bothers me. He doesn't even have to _be_ here to make me miserable. I hate it. Fucking idiot. (Agatha and Penny noticed that, too. Maybe that's another reason why we broke up, although it doesn't make a lot of sense.)  


  


  


Anyways, despite being super nervous about going out and looking for my soulmate, I eventually just leave Watford. I tell myself that's what the Mage would want. (It is, technically, he was the one telling me to leave Watford in the first place. Not to find my soulmate and get myself in danger in the process though, I suppose. But I can't help it. 

They said they're dying and I really don't want my soulmate to die.)  


**  
**

**  
**

**Baz**

  
I stopped trying to tell my soulmate to find me after two times. It's not like I didn't get an answer, but it frustrates me. Also, I'm hungry and I probably look even worse than I feel. (If that's even possible. I'm not sure. I don't think it is. I feel like shit.)  


  


There are two things I know for sure:  


  


1\. My soulmate is looking for me. They're babbling a lot along the way. (I wonder if they talk like they think -- long sentences, without a pause and drifting away from the topic.) I also figured out that they're nervous and I concluded from that, that they maybe don't intend to talk to me all the time. (I'm captured in a coffin, I have a lot of time to conclude things and think about everything and nothing. It sucks more than it may sound like.) Maybe they just accidentally let something slip because they can't control it. (I like it anyways.)  


  


2\. Simon Snow is alive and I love him. Everything of his appearance I want to remember so badly and try to keep in mind is just slowly fading. It's hard to keep that picture vivid in my head when I don't have the chance of staring at him every night. (It's hard enough over summer break, but I feel like this coffin also drains everything happy from me. I hate it.) I try to remember his moles, recalling them in front of my eyes everytime I try so hard to sleep but can't. He has three moles on his left cheek and two underneath his ear, and I've been able to spot more on the back of neck and his collarbone. I'm very sure his whole body is covered in moles and freckles. I have no idea when I started to like them so much.  


  


That's also all I need to keep up my hopes. My soulmate is looking for me -- and I'm sure they find me. (When I first figured out they actually go to look for me, I tried to tell myself that I would be dead before they arrive or that they wouldn't be able to find me and just give up along the way. I didn't want to keep my hopes up.) (Needless to say, I'm hoping anyways.)  


  


I didn't really had something to busy myself with. At least I know that my soulmate must be magickal, because otherwise they wouldn't know what fucking numpties are. (They're stupid. -- the numpties, not my soulmate -- I'm pretty sure they're not trying to torture me, they probably just think they're treating me right for a vampire.) (They don't. I only get blood, no food. I'm damn hungry. I wonder if I'll ever stop being hungry.)  


  


  


Meeting my soulmate is a mess. I hear them before I can see them -- which isn't surprising, considering I'm being kept in a dark coffin and can't get out.  


They make a huge show out of killing the numpties. (I know that, because I can hear how their flesh is being slid through, which means they're using a knife or a sword.)  


  


I only know one mage who uses a sword -- Snow. I try not to think about him.  


  


And then, I'm blind. They must have opened the coffin and all the light is blinding me. I got so used to the dark, that I just stay still for a while. Maybe it's a trap.  


**  
**

**  
**

**Simon**

  
I swallow as I stare at the person in the coffin. Baz -- my soulmate. _Baz._  


_Baz_ is my soulmate.  


  


And he looks dead. I want to say something. I don't know what. Baz is my soulmate. (And he's in love with someone. I didn't know Baz could actually fall in love with someone. 

The realisation feels weird -- my soulmate is supposed to love _me._ )  


  


“Baz,” I say eventually, still looking down at him. I can see how he tenses and blinks against the light. Merlin knows how long he was kept in here. (He sure had a lot of time to plot against me.)  


“Snow.” His voice is rusty, like he didn't use it in a long time. (Which was probably how it is.) Yet, I could hear the annoyance in it. He probably expected someone else to save him. ( _Am_ I saving him? I just wanted to save my soulmate.) He probably expected someone else _to be his soulmate_.  


**  
**

**  
**

**Baz**

  
Shit. Snow is my soulmate. Snow, of all people. I couldn't believe my luck.  


But then again, he hates me.  


Of all people.  


  


I grab the edges of the coffin and try to sit up. My head hurts. I'm hungry and thirsty. And my muscles feel sore.  


Snow hesitates, I can see his mind working, trying to figure out if he should kill me right here, where I'm already weak. I wouldn't blame him. It's a good chance.  


I try to climb out of the coffin. It's hard, my legs don't listen. Snow offers his hand. We still didn't say a single word to each other. Except our names, but that doesn't count. I expected him to comment on how terrible I look or how I'm still alive or even how I'm totally lying in a coffin and therefore being even more the stereotypical vampire. (Not voluntarily, but I expected him to comment triumphantly on it nevertheless. He tried to prove I'm a vampire for years after all.)  


I take his hand. It's warm and rough and sticky with the blood of numpties. I don't care about it. _I'm holding Snow’s hand and he offered it._  


**  
**

**  
**

**Simon**

  
Baz’ hand is cold. His fingers curl around mine, but I don't hold him more tightly. I'm afraid he might break if I do. He looks like shit. Too thin and too pale. I think about telling him. I also want to ask him if he's been plotting. _He is my soulmate._ I still don't know what to do with that information.  


“Are you gonna help me out or are you just gonna keep staring at me?,” Baz snarls, but he just sounds exhausted. I can't come up with a good answer so I just offer him my other hand and help him out of the coffin. (How ironic. I'm not mentioning it. Does he even know that I know he's a vampire? Probably. I wonder why he hasn't killed me yet. He must be hungry.)  


Baz stumbles and shifts his weight off his left leg. Maybe it's hurt. I don't know how to cast good healing spells. And even if I was, I'd never cast them on a person. I really don't wanna set Baz on fire. (Though he seems like he's freezing. Maybe it would warm him -- of course I won't try. I just saved him, and not to burn him right after. I'll have to get him back to school to get medical treatment.)  


  


For now, I just slide one of my arms around his waist and he throws his arm around my shoulder -- it works automatically, subconsciously. We slowly step away from the coffin.  


“My wand,” Baz protests. His voice sounds too quiet and too weak.  


“Wait here,” I say and let go of him, helping he sit on the floor. He really does look like shit.  


**  
**

**  
**

**Baz**

  
I hope Snow hurries. I feel even more like starving, now that I'm out of the coffin. Maybe that's normal, I think.  


He does hurry.  


“Here,” he says and hands me my wand, “Maybe you should… try some healing spells or something?” I snort.  


“Didn't know you were worried about my well-being,” I reply dryly.  


“You're my _soulmate_ ,” he answers, as if that explains everything. (Maybe it does for him. Maybe the only reason he cares for me is because I'm his soulmate. Well, he was only going to look for his soulmate. I wonder if he would've come, too, if he knew it was me.)  


  


I cast some healing spells I remember right now on myself and ignore Snow’s piercing glance on me.  


“Are you done undressing me with your eyes?,” I ask when I feel a bit better and raise my eyebrow at him. He actually _blushes._ Aleister Crowley.  


“I -- I didn't --” I shake my head and cut him off.  


“How are planning to bring me back?,” I want to know instead and he swallows. (I hate it when he swallows. It's a whole show and it makes me feel weak. I just wanna bite him, right there in his throat.)  


“You didn't plan that far,” I guess and get up. Snow helps me, almost immediately. (I could get used to this. His help, his arm around my waist and his other hand around my wrist that's over his shoulder. I really could get used to it.) “I need something to eat.”  


He nods. “I'll bring you back to Watford,” he says and I don't argue.  


  


I don't know _how_ he does it. There's no spell for growing wings and just _fly._ (On rare occasions I **Float like a butterfly** over the moat to hunt in the woods at night if I'm sick of rats. Very rare occasions, because I don't have the magic to do so every other night.)  


I hate him for it. I hate him for choosing this way, because that means we're awfully close (I love it) and he has his arms around me and I cling onto him as if my life depends on it. (To my defense, it _does_. If I let go, I'll fall -- Crowley knows how deep -- and probably die.)  


Everything smells like Snow. His magic is all around me, hot, burning. What a way to be rescued. My leg feels numb. Maybe Snow will carry me to our room. I wouldn't protest.  


  


The sun is slowly setting as we arrive. Everyone should be at dinner. I'm glad about that. I don't feel like seeing anyone.  


The light makes Snow’s curls shine golden and he looks like a goddamn angel with those wings. I hold onto him while we slowly walk to Mummer’s house and up to the tower. (The way is too long. I'm hungry. I should've gone hunting before.)  


**  
**

**  
**

**Simon**

  
Baz looks terrible. He looks like a wreck, but he still manages to look too bloody perfect. His dark hair falls into his face and he could really use a shower. (I miss his cedar and bergamot scent.)  


“I will… get us some food,” I say. I don't mention that he might need a shower. I don't mention anything about where he's been at all. Not yet, at least.  


I just wonder who the person is, he's in love with. (He thought about them way too much while being kidnapped.) I feel weird when I think about him being with someone else. He's _my_ soulmate, which means we should end up together.  


The thought doesn't frighten me. It sounds as right as anything ever could be. (Does that mean I'm gay? It does, doesn't it? Maybe I should kiss him.)  


  


  


I don't kiss him. I just put down the plate with food on his nightstand and sit down on my bed.  


I catch the smell of cedar before I see Baz walking out of the bathroom. He did shower. (His hair is still wet and he has it slicked back. I wish he wouldn't.)  


He eyes the food and grabs an apple.  


“Slowly,” I warn him, “just in case you - your body is...uh... not ready for too much yet.” He raises an eyebrow at me and walks over to the door. I’m on my feet before he can reach it.  


“What are you _doing?_ ,” I ask confused.  


“I need fresh air.”  


“No! You’re staying inside.” I stand before him firmly and cross my arms. He groans.  


“Snow, I’m not in the mood for this.” He’s still favouring his left leg.  


“You’ve been kidnapped by numpties!,” I argue, “You’re not going out there now. It’s already dark.” He wrinkles his face and I push out my jaw. I’m not gonna let him go.  


He scoffs. “Really, Snow? I don’t think they’re gonna come after me here. I’m safe. _Thanks_.” Baz is probably the only one who can make a ‘thanks’ sound _that_ sarcastically and annoyed.  


“You can eat in here too,” I say. He’s right, of course. The numpties aren’t gonna come here.  


“In your company?” He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t expect you to want me to stay close to you so badly.”  


“I’m not,” I protest weakly. He pushes me away and gets out of the door. I curse myself internally. Of course I did something wrong.  


  


  


Baz comes back later. (Did he only eat an apple now?) He doesn’t talk to me, just lies down in his bed. I turn around in mine and try to look at him. It’s too dark to see him.  


“Who is it?,” I ask, curiously. I need to know who it is he loves so much. Why I’m not that person. (Well, he didn’t know I’m his soulmate up until a few hours ago, but still.)  


“What?,” he asks exasperated.  


“The girl you’re in love with.”  


“I’m not in love with a girl,” he says and I hear slight confusion in his voice.  


“Not? Cause you kept thinking about one. Blue eyes and bronze hair.”  


I hear him sigh. “Really, Snow? That’s what you wanna talk about now?”  


“Yes. I wanna know who it is. The one you love more than your soulmate. You’ve been thinking about her for a while.”  


“You’ve been thinking about your girlfriend a lot, too.”  


“Is it Agatha?,” I ask. Of course. I saw them. It has to be her.  


**  
**

**  
**

**Baz**

  
Foolish Snow. As if I’d want anything from his ex-girlfriend.  


“No. It’s not Agatha.”  


“But who is it then?,” Snow asks and I see how much he wants to know it. I roll my eyes and tear my gaze away from him. What an oblivious fool.  


“Who do you want it to be?,” I ask back. That would really interest me. Is he jealous? ( _Would_ he be jealous?)  


He is quiet for a while. I turn back to look at him. He seems absent and just stares at the open window. (As if he didn’t have enough nights to open it while I was away.)  


“Me,” he breathes then. (Bless my enhanced senses I still hear him.) I raise an eyebrow surprised -- not that he could see it.  


“You?,” I ask, just in case I _did_ mishear it.  


He takes a sharp breath. “You’re my soulmate.” (Seems like this became his compelling argument now.)  


“So?,” I say. Why not tease him. I want him to say it. Out loud. I want to hear it from him, in a whole sentence.  


“You’re my _soulmate_ ,” he repeats. (Definitely compelling argument.) “I want you to like me.”  


I bite my lip before I sigh. “Like you? Sure that’s all?”  


He groans frustrated. _Good._  


_“No,_ ” he says, still frustrated. I grin at him, though he can’t see it. He looks too adorable with his face scrunched up like that. “I want you to _love_ me, like soulmates do.” I sit up.  


“Really? Why didn’t you say something sooner?” He sits up, too.  


“What do you mean by that, now?” He sounds confused, and he looks confused -- it’s adorable.  


“That you don’t have to be my soulmate for me to love you,” I say, shrugging. May as well just spit out the whole damn truth.  


“Why didn’t _you_ say something sooner?,” Snow asks and gets up. I keep my eyes on him as he sits on my bed. Is that good? It’s good. I think it’s good. (It’s all I’ve ever wanted.) 

He frowns. (I wish he wouldn’t. I really want to kiss him.)  


“Because you were dating Agatha.” Snow is grinning now. (Stupid. Why do his eyes shine like that in the dimmed light?)  


And then, before I have any chance to process something, he leans in and kisses me.  


  


  


It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr: [snow-scones](https://snow-scones.tumblr.com)  
> Hope you liked it!


End file.
